The idea of celibate vampires is ridiculous, True Blood creator Alan Ball says. “To me, vampires are sex,” he says. “I don’t get a vampire story about abstinence. I’m 53. I don’t care about high school students. I find them irritating and uninformed.” On his show, every available orifice is used for intercourse: gay, straight, between humans and supernatural beings, and supernatural being on supernatural being, whether he be werewolf, dog or an enormous Minotaur-looking being called a maenad. None of the sex is quite as good as vampire sex, though, which can happen at the astonishing rhythm of 120 bpm while simultaneously devouring one’s neck and making your eyes roll back into your head. Says Stephen Moyer — who plays Bill Compton, the undead Southern Civil War Veteran — “If we go from a base level, vampires create a hole in the neck where there wasn’t one before. It’s a de-virginization — breaking the hymen, creating blood and then drinking the virginal blood. And there’s something sharp, the fang, which is probing and penetrating and moving into it. So that’s pretty sexy. I think that makes vampires attractive.” He laughs a little. “Plus, Robert Pattinson is just hot, right?”

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~ The other day, Katy Perry was Googling herself again. “Any artist who says they don’t Google their name is a big fat liar,” she says. Perry is shrewd about her online image, with 3,062,173 followers on Twitter and a long-standing friendship with Perez Hilton, who has boosted her for many years. She was on her laptop, which she calls her office – she has no other, not even at her home, a 1920s triplex in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles that she cleans obsessively – when she noticed a bunch of online gossip sites were reporting that she had called Miley Cyrus’ new look “Britney Spears all over again” at the MuchMusic Awards in Toronto. “It’s worse. Look at those outfits. It’s bad.”

Now, Perry had said nothing of the sort – or, at least, nothing she meant for anyone to overhear. This required immediate action. She quickly tweeted a response: “I never said shit bout my girl Miley. I love that ho.”

Perry knew that what she was doing was weird. “It’s a little gross,” she says. “I’m sure no one knew or cared about that line about Miley. When you look at other celebrities’ Twitter feeds and see them posting about something they read about themselves on a Google Alert, it’s like, ‘Uh, maybe you should stop Googling yourself every day, the world does not spin around you.’ ” But Perry mainlines attention the way her fiance, Russell Brand, once did with heroin (and now does with attention), so she found the entire interaction to be deeply satisfying. Not only did hundreds of gossip sites report on her tweet, but she had also managed to publicly call 17-year-old Miley Cyrus a “ho.” That was naughty. That was walking the line. That was exactly the kind of moment that Perry lives for.

Behind-the-Scenes Video after the Jump:

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A fuming Hal Steinbrenner informed Yankee Stadium executives that Lady Gaga is permanently banned from the team’s clubhouse after her boozy antics — including swigging whiskey and repeatedly fondling her boobs — during a visit to the house that Ruth built Friday night, sources told The Post.

The songstress and two girlfriends sauntered their way into the Bombers’ clubhouse — without team approval — and hung out for 30 minutes after the team lost to the Mets.

She met six players — including Alex Rodriguez and Robinson Cano — while the “Poker Face” singer kept slurring her words trying to say how much she loved the Yankees and how thrilled she was to be inside the exclusive area, sources said.

Lady Gaga’s booze-swilling and breast-feeling were too much for Boss Jr. Hal Steinbrenner, sources said yesterday.

Gaga, drinking Jameson Irish Whiskey, was wearing a Yankees jersey half-unbuttoned, exposing her black bra, fishnet stockings and a bikini bottom.

But apparently she didn’t think that was enough to catch the players’ eyes, so she kept groping her chest over her jersey.

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When you’re a young woman in Hollywood who, like Megan Fox, has had a kind of sudden, massive fameconferred upon you—a fame that some argue is not necessarily commensurate with your work or even your talent—you have several options: You can move quickly to cash in on your popularity (e.g. make a record, launch a clothing line, do a reality show); you can go out of your way to make penance for your “unearned” success by signing on for serious projects of a certain artistic or social quality that are ultimately neither very artistic nor very social and don’t actually make any money (it’s very important that they don’t make any money—even accidentally); you can freak out, act out, and burn out; you can reject it all and run away and hide; or you can very quickly become hardened by the entire process. In short, while there are obvious perks to immediate, quaking celebrity (e.g. some money, a certain amount of power, free Vitaminwater), the well-worn escape routes are not entirely appealing.

At the age of 24, Fox has already appeared in two blockbuster movies—Michael Bay’s CGI-robot juggernaut Transformers (2007), and its sequel, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen—which, combined, have grossed more than $1.5billion worldwide. Over the last few years, she has also done a series of other non-Transformers films, including How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (2008), and the campyDiablo Cody–written thriller Jennifer’s Body—the bulk of which have quickly wilted at the box office. But Fox’s penchant for offering up certain intimate-seeming details of her life in interviews—such as the same-sex romance that she once claimed to have had with a stripper named Nikita, or the location of her boyfriend Brian Austin Green’s name on her body she had tattooed (it’s in her lower swimsuit area)—has provided an entertaining sideshow.

She’s also good about unprompted name-checks (“If I could just be Angelina [Jolie]’s girlfriend, I would be so happy.” “I want to eat Robert Pattinson.” “Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands.”)

I’m not pretentious enough to just sit around and think about how I’m a tool for the whole Hollywood machine. But it has crossed my mind.—Megan Fox

For years, the great revelatory insights about the way pop culture works were that celebrity is about image and that we like to build people up in order to bring them down. But for an actress like Fox, who came of age in the era of reality TV, social media, and second-to-second news cycles, these aspects of celebrity mythmaking (and breaking) are almost elementary. Fox herself has acknowledged as much, offering that some of the more outrageous things she has said in interviews were purely for effect, because—as an aforementioned a young actress in

Hollywood who has had conferred upon her sudden, massive fame—she knows that she is playing a role, that we live in a culture evermore about images, sound bites,
and archetypes, and she has decided that she needs to manipulate the system in order to avoid being consumed by it. It’s somewhat cynical, yes, and true that she is self-invented (as most famous people are), but in Fox’s case, the persona she has created and the way she has seemed to process her own fame hints at an underlying element of self-preservation at work. Fox says outrageous things. She takes sexy pictures. She looks good on film. But she doesn’t try to pull at your heartstrings by pretending to bare her soul. She doesn’t attempt to demystify herself through overexplanation. She doesn’t try to really prove anything to you. She just gives you what she thinks you want and keeps the important stuff for herself.

Fox’s next two films—Jonah Hex, with Josh Brolin, Michael Fassbender, and John Malkovich, and Passion Play, with Mickey Rourke and Bill Murray—are both departures, the former a sci-fi comic-book Western about a horrifically scarred cowboy with a spiritual hole in his heart, the latter a magical-realist drama in which Fox’s character sprouts wings at puberty and is drafted into a traveling circus. “I want to do different things,” said Fox, calling one early-May afternoon from Los Angeles, where she was busy preparing to film the third installment of Transformers. “I mean, Transformers is enormous, but it’s exhausting because it’s just this huge, huge machine,” she continued. “The studio, the director—everyone has so much power in this project that the actors are sort of very small in the midst of this very large movie.” Days later, it was announced that Fox would no longer be a part of Transformers 3. In a statement, she said that it was her decision, though some reports cited her rumored frosty relationship with Bay as the primary reason for her exit. (In an interview last year, she described Bay as a “tyrant” and, for typical Foxian effect, likened his on-set workaday methods to those of Napoleon and Hitler.)

Now, as the door closes on Transformers, Fox is imagining a very different kind of career—and life—beyond it. To ensure we provided her with an ample foil, we recruited comedian Zach Galifianakis to interview her for this story—and he boldly went where few men have gone before.

One final note: At the end of the photo shoot that accompanies this interview, which took place at the Chateau Marmont in L.A., Fox asked if she could keep the head of the mannequin seen in the story, which was made to look exactly like her, as a souvenir. When the concern was raised that the paparazzi perched outside the hotel might get a picture of her leaving, ostensibly, carrying her own head, Fox didn’t blanch. She didn’t stop and worry about what the tabloids might do with such an image, what people might say. I mean, what would the caption be? She didn’t wring her hands or furrow her brow. She just threw her head in a shopping bag and went on her way.

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For the July issue of Vanity Fair, Norman Jean Roy photographed the spooky beauties of The Twilight Saga: Eclipse—five vampires (Dakota Fanning, Nikki Reed, Ashley Greene, Elizabeth Reaser, Bryce Dallas Howard) and one lone lady werewolf (Julia Jones). Nancy Jo Sales was on set, where, between takes, the girls mused on the gothic romance that has everyone palpitating.

Nikki Reed plays the disapproving Rosalie Cullen. Here’s her take on the story’s appeal: “Bella and Edward’s love is very taboo and forbidden,” says Reed, “and I think that kind of represents all youthful relationships, because that’s what all first loves feel like. … It’s sort of borderline, like, insane.”

Elizabeth Reaser, who plays vampire mom Esme, exclaims on the attractive young men of Twilight: “Oh, it gets so old, you have no idea,” says Reaser. “It has no effect on me. They’re all gorgeous and lovely boys. … You just want someone interesting and weird at a certain point. I have a massive crush on Larry David.”

Bryce Dallas Howard, a replacement actress playing vampire-with-a-vengeance Victoria, is a Twihard: “I had seen Twilight innumerable times. After I saw it for the fourth time, one of my best guy friends, for my birthday, made me Post-it notes with Robert Pattinson’s face that said, ‘Live Dangerously,’ because I was so obsessed. My husband actually said to me, ‘Do I need to be worried about this?’”

Ashley Greene, who plays psychic vampire Alice, anticipates success: “You don’t have to be psychic to know how this movie’s going to do,” she says. “Obviously, it’s going to be a hit.”

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Answer after the jump!

It’s Megan Fox’s Allure Photo Shoot!!!

On not being open anymore in interviews – except apparently this one:
“Trying to be lighthearted and have a sense of humor and engage in some sort of satire sometimes. It did backfire to a certain extent, and it became too exhausting. I still have the same sense of humor, but I have no desire to express it, really, anymore, because I’ve always been fucked for doing so.”

On not being clingy:
“I could go days, weeks without talking to another human being,” she says. “I could probably go months and be perfectly satisfied. Easily. It’s the opposite of being needy, but at the same time, I don’t know if I would want to be in a relationship with someone who required as much alone time as I require.”

On plastic surgery:
“I would encourage anyone to first speak with a therapist, to try and figure out where this want comes from, because a lot of times it’s not related to your teeth or your nose or your chin — the surgery is not going to alleviate that insecurity for you,” she says. “If, then, you feel, ‘This is something that I want to do’, then do it. It’s amazing that we have the technology to do the stuff that we do.”

On not using public restrooms or silverware at restaurants:
“Every time someone uses a bathroom and they flush, all the bacteria is shot into the air,” she says. “Putting my mouth where a million other mouths have been, just knowing all the bacteria that you carry in your mouth? Ucch!”

On refusing to cook for herself:
“I’ll starve to death before I’ll cook for myself. I think I could survive a week without eating.”

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Here’s Blake Lively in the latest issue of Vogue where she talks about the fitness benefits of doing stunt work for Green Lantern:

Lively has been rehearsing with a stunt coordinator who works on the Bond movies and with gymnastic acrobats from Cirque du Soleil. “Our director likes it real–the fights close and dirty,” she explains, and for added veracity aerial stunts are being filmed in the rig created for The Matrix. “I’m 40 feet in the air, spiraling around. That’s the best workout you can ever do because it’s all core,” she tells me. “You do that for ten minutes and you should see your body the next day! It’s so exhilarating, so thrilling–and nauseating,” she adds.

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